8 Reasons it Doesn't Suck to Be Single for the Holidays

*Includes a holiday sprinkling of NSFM (Not Safe for Mom) language*

As the Holiday Season starts earlier each year, so does the Holiday Season Singles Anxiety.  The popular narrative is that it is awful to be single for the holidays.  But let's be honest, unless your family kicks you out of their Christmas card for your single status (like Bridget), it's really not so bad.

My dating activity has come to a screeching halt.  The Speed Dating events I've found seem sketchy, Grouper is only in NYC right now, and my friends don't seem to know any eligible bachelors that I'm not already friends with.  I'm bored with OkCupid and no one who has sent a message has been "Fuck Yes" worthy.  A sample recent message (verbatim): "Heyy you look tooo sweet, you are giving me a toothache 'ouch'  lol  ;D"  And I'm like... 

Bachelor #9 and I are talking again (platonically), but in our catch-up talk I seemed to fail at the "I'm Ok" side of the "I'm Ok, You're Ok" discussion.  Nothing makes you say Joy to the World like getting that Look of Concern.  
P.S. I'm fine.
P.P.S.

I've had to face that I'm Super Duper Single for the Holidays. (Can I get a cape?)
Instead of crying into my eggnog, I've been thinking about how being single for the holidays has some advantages:

1) You don't have to go to your significant other's family gatherings, office parties, or friend's friend's parties.  The holiday season is busy enough with just my own social engagements, I don't mind not having to juggle someone else's party schedule.

2) You don't have to decide whether to invite your (perhaps not-so) significant other to your family gatherings office parties, or friend's friend's parties.  Maybe you just started dating, maybe you still don't know if you're "hanging out" or "dating," but the holidays can put a lot of pressure on relationships and non-relationships alike.

3) You can meet someone new (or lots of new someones) at all those holiday parties.  True story: I've been getting better at talking to strangers, and have actually been meeting real guys at holiday parties.  These conversations aren't turning into dates (yet?), but there have been some phone numbers exchanged.  And sometimes it's just fun to flirt.  The best news about all these holiday parties: each new week means more parties and meeting more fish in the sea.

4) Or you could finally make your move/pounce on your crush under the mistletoe.  Nevermind that this usually backfires in movies and TV.  But speaking from personal experience, if it does backfire, at least you probably won't have to see them until next year.

5) You can get a jump start on those New Years Resolutions.  You know that person who is saved in your phone as "Do Not Answer"?  It's better to be on your own than with someone you know is bad for you.  Instead of swearing off the bad behavior starting January 1, start now.  Do Not Answer those calls/texts/snapchats, and Do Not Initiate those calls/texts/snapchats.  2015 will thank you.

6) You can do the holidays your way.  If you want to listen to Maria Carey's Christmas album 24/7, go for it (as long as I don't have to listen).  This year I'm learning how to do the holidays my way: the holiday music I like (such as "Christmas is Going to the Dogs" by The Eels or "Spotlight on Christmas" by Rufus Wainwright), I made a wreath instead of getting a tree, and a total absence of ugly Christmas sweaters.

7) You can finish the year strong!  Were there things you wanted to do in 2014 and didn't get around to?  You still have time, don't let it wait until 2015 if you can get it done in 2014!  Starting December 1st I've been meditating every day, because I'd been meaning to and there's no time like the present! (har har meditation humor)

8) And/Or give yourself a break.  Last year I had quite a bit of romantic drama and I declared December 21st-31st: 10 Days of No New Boy Drama (some just to see if it was possible).  It was awesome.  The end of one year and beginning of another is a good time to look at what's working in your life and what you'd like to work on.  Not New Years Resolutions like, "Go on a diet," but learning what helps you be your happiest, healthiest self.

So Super Duper Singles, repeat after me: I don't want to just be with someone, I want to be with someone awesome. 
xoxo

P.S. Los Angeles!  I'm doing a standup show at Flappers in Burbank TOMORROW night (12/18) at 8pm.  You can buy tickets here.  We'll make you laugh, I promise!

F&@# Yes and Family Matchmaker Month!

I celebrated Thanksgiving with family, went to my 10 year high school reunion (which was actually really fun!), and caught up on Serial.  Now, I'm back! 

*Includes some NSFM (Not Safe For Mom) language*

We wrapped up Katt's Matchmaker week, and there are no new matches.  

There are a few contributing factors:

1) My head wasn't exactly in the game.  It was interesting to observe/remember how I handle breakups: I throw myself into my work.  While I know it's healthier than throwing myself at the next guy that comes along, it wasn't very conducive to a dating experiment.  I.e. I had zero interest in OkCupid.  Even without a breakup, I often feel OkCupid fatigue after a while- more on that later. 

2) The profile wasn't funny (and I'm a comedian).  A guy friend looked at the profile and said that it was telling, not showing.  Don't tell me you're good at making people laugh, show me that you're good at making people laugh!  My profile before the experiment had leaned too much on humor (sometimes absurdity) and it's been good to push myself to be more genuine in the profile.  But it should have some humor!

3) I'm adopting Mark Manson's Law of "Fuck Yes or No": Only getting involved with guys that I am really enthusiastic about getting involved with, and they share the enthusiasm for the relationship.  I've often felt more "Sure, Why Not" about guys I've gotten involved with than "Fuck Yes."  At the beginning of the experiment I was focused on dating different types of guys than I normally did, so I wanted to be open to all types of guys.  This has helped me learn a lot about what kind of guy I'm looking for, and I'm grateful to the Bachelors for what they've helped me learn.  But as I'm getting a better idea of who I want to date, I don't want to go on dates with guys that I know aren't a good match.  I don't want to waste my time, or their's!

There were some guys that sent nice messages this week, but no one was in the Fuck Yes category so there are no new matches.  There were also a lot of boring messages, maybe because the profile wasn't funny? 

Katt liked Mark Manson's Law of FY/N and also sent me his post about Love Is Not Enough.  While I don't necessarily agree with bashing John Lennon, I definitely agree that love doesn't make a relationship work.  It's an important piece of the puzzle, but only one piece.  I wish someone had told me this when I was 19 and in a very tumultuous relationship, although I probably wouldn't have listened!  Ah, "What Doesn't Kill You" or whatever.  

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We started a new Matchmaker week month! 

I'd been planning for my parents to have a Matchmaker week, my mom had been the Matchmaker for Week 1 and wanted another shot at it, and I was curious to get their insights since they've been following the experiment and blog.  As Thanksgiving approached, I thought, "What about having a Family Matchmaker Week?"  My brother was also a Matchmaker (for Week 5) and if we all put our heads together on a profile it'd be like a Matchmaker Supergroup!

Thanksgiving weekend I sat down with my parents and brother to write An Awesome Profile, combining all I've learned from the experiment.  We tried to balance my city girl/farm girl interests, my passion for film and writing, my travel stories, that I'm looking for an honest and kind guy, my romantic side and serious side, oh yeah and make it funny.  It took a while.  

Luckily we can always make each other laugh, for example: while working on the "I spend a lot of time thinking about" section, the first thing my mom suggested was "Climate change," not remembering that it was the first thing she'd suggested when we wrote the profile in Week 1!  I laughed and said I didn't think it was best to put that as the first thing I think about a lot, but it did make the final cut (further down the list).  

It also reminded me how much nuance there is in writing a good online dating profile.  Often my parents would suggest something and my brother and I would basically say, "Yes that's true but you can't say it like that in a profile!"  It was important to my dad that we write about my solo travels because "that takes balls" (his words) and it would attract guys.  But "I like to travel" is an OkCupid cliche, so the challenge was not only to figure out what we wanted to convey but also interesting ways to say it.  

We looked at pictures on the profile, and again came to the conclusion that I need new pictures.  Ugh.  I prefer to be behind the camera, but I need to ask friends to help me take better pictures (including this to publicly hold myself accountable).  

We're changing the process slightly also: since I've realized how important physical attraction is, I'll be the first filter (instead of the Matchmakers).  If I don't find a guy attractive, I won't go on a date with him.  What a concept!

Why a month?  Remember the OkCupid fatigue I mentioned?  Lately on OkCupid I've felt like, "Haven't I seen everyone on here?"  So I want to mix it up.  This profile will be up for December and I'll also try other methods of meeting guys: speed dating, singles mixers, Grouper, asking friends to be wingmen/wingwomen, and hey friends/family, set me up with single guys you know! 

These other methods also have the bonus of community (not the show!).  The isolation of online dating is part of what gets to me.  The Matchmakers help, but applying the Law of Fuck Yes makes OkCupid a bit more bleak.  I wish I was attracted to every guy who sends a nice message, but that is not the case.  Recently I was looking at a guy's profile and he was cute! Tall! Monogamous!  I was optimistic until I read his profile.  He talked about seeing a UFO, doing DMT, and 9/11 being an inside job.  Ugh.  Those are the times that I feel like throwing in the towel.  Hopefully more involvement of my friends, even just laughing with me about the strangeness of dating, will help.  Good times or bad times are always better with friends!