(Continued from Part 1)
3. Introvert’s Guide to Meeting People: saying ANYTHING is better than nothing.
3. Introvert’s Guide to Meeting People: saying ANYTHING is better than nothing.
I’ve always struggled
with initiating conversations with strangers.
Once a conversation is going I have no problem talking to new people, but I felt like I missed the
class on How To Start Conversations With Strangers. But since I’ve eschewed online dating lately,
I forced myself to be more proactive in talking to cute guys I saw at a
party/bar/on set. My main obstacle was
that I felt like I needed to have a clever opening line. People would say, “You can just walk up and
say hi!” but I didn’t really believe it until I tried it. I saw a cute guy at a party and couldn’t
think of a clever opener, so I just sat down next to him and introduced
myself. AND IT WORKED! It may seem small, but was a big breakthrough
for me.
I’m not saying you can always start a conversation with
anyone, but in my experience there are:
a) people that want to talk to you and
they will engage in a conversation with you even if you start it with something
dumb, and
b) some people who don’t really want to talk to you and the
conversation will go nowhere even if you start it with something
brilliant.
Even when I’ve tried to talk to someone who wasn’t interested, I’ve been glad that I tried and found out instead of wondering “What If”!
Even when I’ve tried to talk to someone who wasn’t interested, I’ve been glad that I tried and found out instead of wondering “What If”!
4. Ask for what you want/need (first, learn what you want/need):
Maybe
this comes naturally for some people, but I am not one of those people. I’ve been working on it this whole year and
it’s still difficult for me to ask someone directly for what I want/need. I hate feeling needy, and part of my brain
tells me that having any needs at all is being needy. (Ugh.)
This year I’ve tried to be a student of myself, to figure out what I
want/need to be happy and healthy. We can get stuck in molding our lives after others’, trying to adopt
the workout schedule of your favorite actor or the writing schedule of your
favorite writer. If that works as a
jumping off point for you, great! But often
it leaves us feeling like, “This works for that person, why doesn’t it work for
me?” Because you’re you and there’s
nothing wrong with that, you beautiful unique snowflake!
This was most pronounced for me when I went from working
from home on my own schedule (i.e. I had lots of control over my environment)
to working 12 hour or more days on set (i.e. I had very little control over my
environment). I had to work hard to make
sure I was eating enough and sleeping enough (well, enough to function), before
I could even start on needs for purpose, connection, etc. But it’s been an exciting challenge, to
understand what I really need and how to take care of those needs regardless of
what is going on.
5. Embrace Absurdity:
Recently I was having a heavy “What are we”
conversation with a guy in a bar (not my choice of venue, but an overdue
conversation) and Sugar Ray’s song “Every Morning” came on the jukebox. If you aren’t familiar with the song, it was played to death in the late 1990’s and is sugary pop awfulness. I didn’t really notice the song, but the guy
in question said that he couldn’t have a serious conversation while this
song was playing. This annoyed me at
first, who cares what song is playing?
And how dare Sugar Ray interrupt this important conversation?? But then we laughed, and I realized that
Sugar Ray had actually done me a favor.
It gave us a little break in a tough conversation, and we laughed at the
ridiculousness of the song and trying to have a meaningful conversation while
that song was playing.
I can sometimes get very stuck in heavy conversations or stuck in
my own head, and I am so grateful for little things that can pull me out of the
heaviness, even for a moment, and remind me that not everything has to be THAT
serious. These little moments often end
up being the ones we remember, they can be far more important or memorable than
the serious thing it interrupted. So now
I keep an eye out for things that can help me pull myself out of bad moods,
cute animal videos, songs that make me dance, Bitmojis, and friends who make me
laugh. And I appreciate the things that
surprise me, even if it is a Sugar Ray song!
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