Out of the Wild - Part 1

I’m about to turn 30 years old, and I’ve been thinking a lot about Chris McCandless. 

The story of Chris McCandless and Into the Wild (the book and the film) have woven through my life for many years. 

In 1990, Chris graduated from Emory University.  He was born in California and raised in Virginia.  After graduating, Chris gave his savings to charity and started backpacking and hitchhiking around the US.  In April 1992 he hitchhiked to Alaska and backpacked into the Alaskan bush to try to live off the land.  In August 1992 he starved to death in the Magic Bus he was living in (toxic plants he ate may have contributed to his death).  He was 24 years old.

In 1996, Jon Krakauer wrote Into the Wild about Chris’s journey, and it became a national bestseller.  In 2007 the film Into the Wild was released, written and directed by Sean Penn, starring Emile Hirsch. 

In 2007, I took a year off from college and spent six months backpacking around Europe solo, sometimes staying with and traveling with friends.  I saw the film Into the Wild for the first time around 2008, and Chris McCandless reminded me a bit of myself, but more of my high school boyfriend.  I’d caught his attention because I’d read Jack Kerouac, he caught my attention because he was reading Sartre for fun.  He was an outdoorsman and (along with the tumult of young love) tapped into my sense of adventure.  We traveled to Alaska together one year for spring break, stayed in a hostel, slept in a park one night, and Alaska is still the only place I’ve hitchhiked.  We were long broken up by 2008, but I pined for years.  Seeing a character that reminded me of him dying alone in a bus in the Alaskan bush made me cry buckets.  

The second time I saw the film was in 2010, a lot had changed in just a few years.  I went to film school and graduated, and was in the midst of what I now call my Vagabond Years as I bounced around the country and worked on farms.  My ex was married and having kids.  I watched the movie on a laptop in the yurt I lived in, in a field with two llamas, part of an Intentional Community at an abandoned lumber mill that was often described as post-apocalyptic.  I realized that now I was the Chris McCandless of this story, and that was exciting and terrifying.  I had sought adventure and found it, but Chris’s story was a cautionary tale for me.  Dying alone in a bus in Alaska was not on my To Do list.  I did date two different guys who lived in busses (different busses, in different states!) around that time, but that’s a story for another time. 

In 2011 I was living in rural Montana as part of AmeriCorps, building a garden at a middle school in a town of 500 people.  I picked up a copy of Krakauer’s Into the Wild and read it as I meandered back to California, stopping in Yellowstone, camping an Intentional Community, and Couchsurfing.  I was 25, and in Part 2 of a 2-Part Quarter-Life Crisis.  While in Montana I realized that I needed to move back to LA and really give my career as a filmmaker a shot.  I’d been vagabonding around the country for three years following graduation, and it was bittersweet to know that chapter was coming to an end. 

As I read Into the Wild it stood out to me that as McCandless is dying in the bus, after working so hard to escape society, he realizes that connection with other people is what matters in life.  In a copy of Doctor Zhivago found with him in the bus he had written, “HAPPINESS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED.”  I vowed to not be as stubborn as Chris McCandless, for it to not take starving in a bus in Alaska to teach me that connection with other people helps bring meaning to our lives.  For three years my challenge had been to push out of my comfort zone, to see how minimal my life could be.  My new challenge was to learn to stay in one place and let people into my life, to share my adventures. 

(Continued in Part 2) 

Flirting and Other Fine Arts - Part 2

(Continued from Part 1)

The intense nervousness is sort of adorable, but also frustrating.  At the start of his last day Boyfriend told me that he was leaving and why.  My friend had been pointing out for weeks how he was telling me personal information that he wasn't telling other people (you don't discuss anything meaningful/personal in Work Flirting, in my book).  On my 30 Before 30 List is "Ask a guy out on a date," and it seemed like a good opportunity.  At the end of our conversation, as we're walking away from each other (but were still facing each other, I don't remember why) I said, "We should get drinks!"  He gave me an inscrutable eyebrow raise, and I kept walking away because the only thing in my brain was, "OMG OMG OMG."  We were both very busy that day, and though he held direct eye contact with me whenever we would see each other, we didn't talk again until the end of the night.  He gave me a hug, said it was great to meet me and he'd see me on the next one.  I probably said something like, "Yeah, you too," but I don't remember because my thoughts = "WHAT?????"

I've had a few days off and spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to understand what had happened.  Was he just Work Flirting with me?  But then why did he tell me so much personal stuff?  And why did he seek me out so often?  Work Flirting is casual, usually with people you have to interact with often for work, but he and I didn't have to interact for our jobs.  But if he was Real Flirting with me, then why didn't he say something about getting drinks??  And unfortunately, my brain's normal response is that I messed it up somehow so I was replaying everything trying to figure out what I did wrong.  Ugh.  My friends said everything from, "He probably didn't mean to be flirting with you," to "Maybe he's out of practice dating, you should text him!"  I tried to stop thinking about it by throwing myself into work and then drinking.  My therapist said I needed to deal with it (not just try to work or drink my way out of my feelings).  Yeah.  So I journaled, painted, and gave myself time to think.

And then he texted me today.  Out of the blue, seemingly just to say hi.  It made me excited and happy, but also really really really really nervous.  Again.

Why am I sharing this?  I would love to hear that other people also get super nervous around people they like, and if anyone has ways that they deal with it (other than running away).  Also, I think it's funny when weird/awkward things happen to me, and sharing it makes me feel better.  In movies/tv/etc. we see guys getting very nervous around women but less often women getting very nervous around men (or those women are written as socially inept in general).  If anyone thinks that only guys get nervous around people they like, *ahem* women sometimes do too!

I'm also sharing because turned on myself like a Mean Girl, and it's something I'm working on.  I see it in how I write/talk about it, the amount of times I use words like "dumb" and "idiot."  I like to stay cool, calm and collected, and when there's someone I can't keep my cool around, I freak out even more.  People have always told me I'm hard on myself, I used to think it was a compliment, but I'm trying to be kinder to myself.  To the other perfectionists/overthinkers out there, I get you.  Give yourself a break.

There's a lyric from "Spiralling" by Keane: "When we fall in love/ We're just falling/ In love with ourselves."  I think the song as a whole is about how love can be narcissistic, but that lyric has always fascinated me.  When I fall in love, I'm not falling in love with myself, I'm looking for whatever parts of myself I need to hide or kill off in order for the person to like me.  I'm trying to hide the skeletons in my closet and/or choreographing their entrances. I think this is common to some extent, but recently it's concerned me. I'm looking for a way that falling in love can be falling in love with myself too, instead of tearing myself to pieces.  I know that it can be attractive when people are authentically themselves, but as Brene Brown says, "Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you."   Change isn't easy, but I think it's worth it.

On Being Bossy, Unbreakable, and Daring Greatly

I wrote a guest post on Bitchflicks about crowdfunding on Seed&Spark for my film The Average Girl's Guide to Suicide, called "Being Bossy, Unbreakable, and Daring Greatly" about some of the challenges we all face with gender roles and "rules," the type of characters I'm trying to create and how those characters inspire me.  Since I've often written about gender roles in this blog, I wanted to re-post the blog here.

Shameless Plug: Our crowdfunding campaign ends this Wednesday 4/22 at 1:11pm Pacific, and we have to hit 80% of our goal to get the contributed funds.  Please help us hit this goal, even $5 helps get us closer!  This film can help people and save lives, and it's (obviously) very dear to my heart.  The first scene of the movie, information about our cast & crew and so much more is here: http://www.seedandspark.com/studio/average-girls-guide-suicide.

Quick Dating Update: Still not dating.  I've been focusing on work, and the most recent guy from OkCupid who seemed interesting still hasn't asked me out on a date after a month of emailing back and forth.  Notice the past tense on "seemed interesting."  I don't have time for that ish!

Alright, now for "Being Bossy, Unbreakable, and Daring Greatly":

Occasionally recently I’ve wondered, “Am I being bossy?”  I’m a writer/director/producer, currently crowdfunding for my first feature film The Average Girl’s Guide to Suicide, and the sole manager of the LLC for our film.  So, I am a boss.  (Not like this, but a bit like a #bosswitch) But as Sheryl Sandberg’s Ban Bossy campaign states, “When a little boy asserts himself, he's called a ‘leader.’ Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded ‘bossy.’” As a 28-year-old, I can vouch that it’s not just little girls that are affected by “bossy.” I’m trying to Ban Bossy in my own brain (or accept that I am a boss and it’s ok if I’m “bossy”) and it got me thinking about our society’s gender expectations and how they can hold all of us back.

In Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly, she writes that according to society’s rules women have to “be willing to stay as small, sweet, and quiet as possible, and use our time and talent to look pretty.”  This made me laugh out loud, because A) I have often felt pressure to be as small, sweet, and quiet as possible, and use my time and talents to look pretty, and B) as a director you generally should not try to be as small, sweet, and quiet as possible or use your time or talents to look pretty.  It’s not bad to be small/sweet/quiet/pretty if that’s your nature, but forcing yourself to be as small or quiet as possible is rarely conducive to getting a movie made.  Personally I’m not small, not often quiet, I try to be kind (but not saccharin sweet), and I’m no beauty queen.  As we’ve been expanding our team, talking to more people about the film, and crowdfunding, I’m constantly running into the societal expectations embedded in my brain.  Self-promotion is not small, sweet, or quiet.  Making a dark comedy about suicide is not small, sweet, or quiet.  Asking people for money is not small, sweet or quiet. 

(Behind the scenes of making the teaser video for The Average Girl’s Guide to Suicide.)

Luckily I’m not alone in this struggle.  Brené Brown writes: “…every successful woman whom I’ve interviewed has talked to be about the sometimes daily struggle to push past ‘the rules’ so she can assert herself, advocate for her ideas, and feel comfortable with her power and gifts.”  If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you can relate also.  Think about how incongruous it is for female CEOs, doctors, or fighter pilots to be concerned with being small/sweet/quiet/pretty.  I hope you just laughed.  Perhaps the next time you feel pressure in your own life to be small/sweet/quiet/pretty, remind yourself of that laugh you just had. 

Women aren't the only ones who are hampered by society’s expectations; “the rules” for men can be just as suffocating as “the rules” for women.  According to Brown these expectations for men can be summed up as: don’t be wrong, don’t be weak, and don’t show fear.  If men step outside those lines, they are often shamed.  The more I've leaned into leadership roles, the more I've felt these expectations too and they aren't fun.  Recently I felt so scared about whether we would hit our crowdfunding campaign goal, and felt like I needed to keep a brave face for everyone else and not show my fear.  Then I realized the trap I was falling into.  I’m lucky to have friends and family who are there for me, and even several friends who have told me that the middle of a crowdfunding is a terrifying desert.  Getting support from friends and family and remembering that I’m not alone help me get out of shame spirals. 

(The ever-inspiring Brené Brown.)

There have been several articles recently critiquing the concept of “Strong Female Characters.”  The problem isn’t with realistic female characters who show resilience, but instead to women who are…basically dudes.  From one such article: “A female character simply having typically masculine traits doesn’t necessarily strengthen her; it only promotes the view that men are the strong ones in the world, and that to be strong means to emulate them.”  I would also argue that in real life, to be strong women we don’t need to try to be strong men.  I’ve been that girl: trying to be stronger, tougher, and more foul-mouthed than the guys, and it’s exhausting.  Because though I can be strong, tough, and sometimes rather foul-mouthed, I am also very empathetic, caring and sensitive.  Trying to be as strong and tough as possible doesn’t leave room for empathetic and sensitive, and I believe it’s better to embrace your true nature rather than fake another.  A friend has a poster that to me has good examples of how letting go of gender norms can ease the burden on both genders.  I look forward to a world where we can accept and celebrate men and women equally for their sensitivity as well as their strength. 

Recently there’s a new strong feminine heroine: the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.  She encourages others to pursue their dreams, and determinedly pursues her own.  She likes helping people, she’s good at it, and she also takes care of herself.  She’s strong because when she gets knocked down, she gets back up.  Kimmy Schmidt shows that being kind, optimistic, and supportive can be part of being strong. 

(A little rain won’t stop The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt!)

As a woman and a writer, it’s encouraging to see strong and empathetic characters.  My film is about a young woman’s journey to accept herself and create a life she wants to live, and it took several years of working on the script (and “doing the work” in my life) to really understand what self-acceptance feels like.  It’s easier to write about a character accepting herself than to accept myself, and it’s still something I work on every day.  I love how fictional characters can help teach us in our real lives, and my characters continue to teach me.  They push me and challenge me to be as brave as they are, and I hope they can inspire you too.  

Too Busy To Date?

As I'm writing this it's already after midnight, technically very early Monday morning.  In approximately fourteen hours I will likely be a human stress knot because that's when we launch crowdfunding for my film, The Average Girl's Guide to Suicide.  I started writing the script in 2009 and this is the first time we're presenting it to the public.  It is REALLY exciting and terrifying.  I think it's like sending your kid off to school for the first time, or maybe like finding out you're pregnant?  I remember getting a pregnancy announcement in the mail from a friend and briefly feeling like, "WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE??" and then realizing that this film is my first child and requires time, money, energy, commitment, and tender loving care just like a baby.  And luckily I have a group of people who are helping to bring this film to life.

EDIT: We successfully launched our crowdfunding campaign!  Check it out: www.seedandspark.com/studio/average-girls-guide-suicide

Perhaps like a worried parent, I stay up late working most nights and wake hours before my alarm thinking about things I need to do and writing emails in my head.  I'm working on mindfulness and meditation.  I'm also working on eating before I'm so famished my brain stops functioning (there's just so much to do).  I'm not complaining, this the life that I've chosen and honestly this is living the dream.  I'm pouring my heart and soul into a project that is incredibly dear to me, and I get to work with people I adore.  But it's also incredibly intense, all-consuming, and most days I'm just trying to survive.

So it doesn't leave much time or energy for dating.

Is being "too busy to date" legitimate or just an excuse?  I miss being in a relationship, but first dates require a whole different level of energy.  I don't necessarily feel like I have my best foot forward when I'm in survival mode.

I actually went on my first date since November recently.  I'd been using the dating app Hinge for months and would match with guys but none ever sent me a message.  When a guy finally did send me a message, a few weeks ago, I was quite surprised!  He asked me out for a drink, and I figured "Why not?"  But as I headed to the date, having not eaten dinner (I'd had a late lunch) and rather preoccupied by work, I wasn't feeling like I was in the right mindset for a date.  It was also my first non-Post-Modern-Matchmaker date in a while (so I won't write about it in detail, and he doesn't get a Bachelor number) and it was interesting to remember what it's like to go on a date with a guy who hasn't read the blog.  I realized that the blog sometimes could add pressure to a first date (for me to live up to expectations set by the blog, or for a guy to meet expectations he perceived in the blog) but it also is sort of a window into my brain and that can be helpful to both parties.

During the date I asked if he'd read the article on Order Muppets and Chaos Muppets.  He hadn't, and I explained that the idea is that people are like Order Muppets (like Kermit the Frog) or Chaos Muppets (like Animal or Gonzo).  He immediately said that he was a Chaos Muppet, then said he was a bit of both but probably mostly a Chaos Muppet.  He'd already told me that he had no filter and is an adrenaline junkie, although he's also an engineer, so that seemed like a fair evaluation.  I'm definitely a Chaos and Order mix.  After college I had a few Chaos Muppet years where I bounced around the country (I usually call them The Vagabond Years).  When I moved back to LA I had a few Order Muppet years as a Personal Assistant, Executive Assistant, and sometimes Assistant Director (the Order Muppet of a film set).  And now I'm trying to find a balance.  I like having routine, but I need some flexibility in my routine.

An interesting part of the Order Muppet/Chaos Muppet theory is that apparently opposites attract, usually couples are one Order Muppet and one Chaos Muppet.  I can see that I've dated both Chaos Muppets and Order Muppets, and each bring out the opposite in me.  I've mostly dated Chaos Muppets (e.g. guys who lived in buses) so I usually end up being the Order Muppet in the relationship.  Bachelor #9 is definitely an Order Muppet, and it felt sort of weird to be the Chaos Muppet in a relationship.  And maybe because he was SUCH an Order Muppet, I felt like SUCH a Chaos Muppet.  It seems like lately I've been drawn to Chaos Muppets again, but that seems like a bad idea.  Remember what my daily life is like?  And months ago when I realized that I want to date guys who are kind and nurturing?  I don't think those are usually Chaos Muppets.  I don't need anyone who brings more chaos into my life.  I'm dangerously close to getting involved with a particular Total Chaos Muppet I know, but my brain keeps saying, "Oh no, that will.not.end.well."  So the Order Muppet side is telling the Chaos Muppet side to be quiet, try to behave.

In related news, Bachelor #9 seems to be Nick Miller Awkward Moon Walking out of my life, which is less endearing in reality and also oddly sort of what I expect from an Order Muppet vs. Chaos Muppet situation like this.  (Side note: Nick Miller & Jessica Day are an excellent example of a Chaos Muppet/Order Muppet relationship.  Nick Miller is such a Chaos Muppet!  And Jess was the Chaos Muppet in other relationships, but had to be an Order Muppet in their relationship.  /NewGirlRant)  There also is a possibility that since I expect an Order Muppet to Awkward Moon Walk out of my life, that I might interpret a little shuffling as Awkward Moon Walking out of my life.  Because in some ways it's easier to say he is Just Like All The Rest and I Never Should Have Even Tried, but I'm trying not to put all the Sins of Past Exes onto current events.

On the OkCupid front, I did delete some messages from my inbox to make room for new messages...and immediately remembered why I'd let it fill up.  However, there was a message from a guy who seemed cute and interesting, so we traded a few messages.  I was getting tired of messaging on OkCupid so I not-so-subtly hinted that he should ask me out on a date.  I gave him my email address and said if he wanted to meet up sometime he should email me, and that I'm busy with crowdfunding but can make time for a drink.  He emailed me, but still has not asked me out.  I've found that being really busy makes me less patient, and in this case I'm just over it.  I'm not looking for a pen pal, Sorry/Not Sorry.  So the OkCupid inbox is now full again, and staying that way for a bit.

Anyways, it's getting quite late and I need to be a functional human being tomorrow.  So lastly, Chaos Muppet would like to share a horoscope with you.  I see astrology as food for thought, not gospel, and Rob Brezsny's Freewill Astrology is one of the few I read.  I think his writing is thought-provoking and I like that it's very positive.  I am a Gemini, and this week's horoscope was so spot on for me that I laughed out loud.  It's advice on how to love a Gemini so it seems appropriate to include here.  Take as seriously or humorously as you like, and apply to Geminis and non-Geminis as you feel fitting.

"The anonymous blogger at Neurolove.me gives advice on how to love a Gemini: 'Don't get impatient with their distractibility. Always make time for great conversation. Be understanding when they're moody. Help them move past their insecurities, and tell them it's not their job to please everyone. Let them have space but never let them be lonely.' I endorse all that good counsel, and add this: 'To love Geminis, listen to them attentively, and with expansive flexibility. Don't try to force them to be consistent; encourage them to experiment at uniting their sometimes conflicting urges. As best as you can, express appreciation not just for the parts of them that are easy to love but also for the parts that are not yet ripe or charming.'"

As Kaypacha says, "Namaste, Aloha, So Much Love."

Date #4: General Rules for a (Bad) First Date

I was a bit nervous about writing this, because…I had a bad date.

I try to keep this blog pretty positive but there isn't a good way to sugar coat this, unless I just wrote, “We saw Guardians of the Galaxy and I enjoyed the movie.  The End.”  But that won’t do. 

So here we go.

Bachelor #6 was one of my cousin Emily’s picks in Week 3.  After I let him know he was part of the experiment, he sent me an email saying he was done with electronic communication and wanted to meet me.  At the end of the email in parentheses was his phone number and “Calling me is very cool.”  I’m not a big fan of calling people I don’t know, but part of my goal with this experiment is to push my comfort zone.  So I called him and left a voicemail, then he called me and left a voicemail.  We played phone tag for a few days (also texting back and forth trying to set a time to talk).  When we finally did talk, he let me know that he was going out of town for a few days and didn't know his work schedule for the next week.  He suggested coffee or drinks and I suggested seeing the movie Guardians of the Galaxy, because I hadn't seen it yet and had heard it was really good.  He said that sounded good, and he would let me know when he knew his work schedule.

More than a week went by, and I figured that he was blowing me off.  I mentally started writing a blog post about how both Bachelors that week had flaked. 

When he texted me (nine days after we’d talked on the phone) with a few days that week that would work for him, I was rather surprised.  

It was a good reminder that: 

a) I’m not a very patient person and/or 

b) my life moves at a rapid pace, and 

c) I need to be with someone who shares or at least understands that pace 

(which did not seem to be the case with Bachelor #6) 

I know that easy-going guys can be good for me, but there’s a difference between easy-going and “Where’d you go?”

But I put aside my doubts, we picked a day and a theater, and he said he would see if he could get free tickets from work.  A few days later he texted me to say that he couldn't get free tickets to that theater but had tickets to another theater nearby, could we meet there?  This struck me as a bit odd, but I said sure.  

A week and a half after our initial conversation and the day before our date, we set a time to meet.  He suggested getting a beer at a nearby deli before the movie. Again, it seemed odd to me to get a drink at a deli but I was trying to go with the flow so I agreed. 

The next evening, half an hour before we’re scheduled to meet, I get a text from B#6.  He says that the deli we were supposed to meet at is closed, so he’s going to a bar nearby.  I’d gotten caught up in work and was running 10 minutes late, and he’s already there 30 minutes early.  Oof.  Definitely a mismatch.  

When I got there he was sitting outside and we went into the bar to get a drink for me (he already had one) but then gave up and went back outside to wait for a server.  After a while I went back into the bar on my own to get a drink.  When I returned with a beverage, we talked for a bit and got to know each other.  I mentioned that I do standup comedy nearby, and he said, "Are you funny?" and told me about his roommate who tried standup and bombed.  When I told him that I lived in rural Montana for a bit he said, "Isn't all of Montana rural?"  I told him no, there are cities in Montana, and he replied, "Are you sure?  Or did people just tell you there are?"  At this point it was very clear to me that we don't have compatible senses of humor, because I think he was trying to make a joke but it came across as very rude to me. 

He complained about where he lives and where he works, but said he's hoping his current job will lead to better opportunities.  When we talked about where I live he said that he’s never been to my neighborhood or the surrounding neighborhoods (young, hip(ster) parts of LA) and doesn't even know where they are exactly.  This surprised me, because most 20-somethings in LA at least know those neighborhoods a bit.  I asked how long he’s been in LA and he said a year and a half; he moved out here for the opportunities in music and then adds, “and also to get away from an awful relationship.”  

This date helped me come up with a list of what I consider some General Rules for First Dates:

1. Don’t talk about Exes (there can be exceptions, but if at all possible, just don’t). 
2. Don’t talk about religion or politics (current events conversations are ok, but definitely avoid rants).
3. Generally, avoid rants.
4. Don’t talk about money (especially not about how much you do or don’t make).
5. Don’t Be Greedy and Don’t Be Cheap: Don’t order the most expensive thing off the menu, and don’t seem like you’re unwilling to spend money on a date.  I usually offer to split the bill with a guy or buy my own drink, but I do see it as gentlemanly if a guy does pay. 
6. Try to be nice, pleasant, and easy-going: try to put your best foot forward on a date.  You don’t have to pretend that everything is sunshine and roses, but don’t be the voice of Gloom & Doom.

Because on this date, Bachelor #6 broke all of the General Rules for First Dates:

1. He talked about two different ex-girlfriends, or one ex-girlfriend twice, I didn’t clarify.
2. We talked a bit about religion but it was rather innocuous, the politics part was actually more off-putting.  When talking about the Venice boardwalk, he said that he isn’t a fan of Capitalism (I’m not either, really) and that he likes walking around with all the weirdoes in Venice because he’s actually one of them but he “can hide it better.”  Eep.
3. The rant…I’ll write a separate paragraph about the rant.
4. Multiple references to being broke (I don’t have a lot of money either, but I don’t need to talk about it much).
5. He referenced the free movie tickets before the date and during the date (he actually had to pay $4 total at the box office, and he did cover that). 
6. He complained about where he lived, where he worked, and lots of other things.  He generally seemed rather negative.

I was relieved when it was time to head to the theater.  We watched the movie, and I thought it was a really fun movie.  It was definitely the best part of the date.  

As we were walking out of the movie theater, I was treated to a diatribe:

He started talking about a tv show he was watching lately, maybe Californication, that was talking about how movies are dying.  He realized that they were right, he barely goes to the movies anymore and usually just watches shows.  (Just as a reminder, I am a filmmaker, as in movies are my business and my passion.)  So as he is droning about the death of my industry, I’m wondering why anyone would talk about such a thing on a date, much less a classical musician.  I'm forcing a smile and trying to get through the end of this date.  When I tune back in he’s talking about how long Wagner’s works were and he wonders if we’re moving in the direction of seeing longer works like that in theaters.  It takes every ounce of my self-control to keep my eyes from rolling. 

As we part ways, he said that maybe he’ll call me or maybe I’ll call him. 

Spoiler alert: I did not call him.

(And luckily he didn't call me either.)

It is interesting though to think about General Rules for First Dates.  I sometimes get anxious and feel like I don’t know how to date, but clearly I have certain ideas about how one is supposed to behave on a first date.  Other people might have different rules, does anyone want to suggest other General Rules for First Dates?  Or think my rules are unfair?  When I write them out, it seems like a lot of topics not to talk about.  But those are generally the rules I adhere to for polite conversation with strangers, which is really what a first date is: spending some time with a stranger to figure out if you'd like to get to know each other better.  

Bachelor #6 would likely have different First Date Rules, but this date made it abundantly clear that we're incompatible in many ways!  I don't know if it was the worst date I've ever been on, but it's in the Top 5.  At least the movie was good!